Why did You Pick Me "Long"

Why did you pick me?

because I’m just a kid with a disability

I’m different you see

why did you pick me? 

Instead of this guy,  

my God I’m praying up to the sky

for an answer

why did you pick me?

I’m struggling down here already

without help

than it’s like you been punishing me for being picked,

I’ve been patient and drag through enough shit,

sorry for questioning you but one needs to ask do you not love me anymore,

it sure feels like it,

now I have this stupid disease,

and stupid life

​

sometimes

I even think is this still my life, am I even alive anymore,

I don’t want to die, so I’m gonna try with every single breath

I still have to change your mind,

I’m worth it staying on this planet dammit,

is my mission accomplished or is it mission failed

if I give up on this moment,

why did you pick me?

am I just an idiot to you cus it feels so when you push me away

when I just wanted to be loved by someone

who had room in there heart but I guess not

sometimes I don’t even feel like I know you like you to I time to time but for some reason why I always come back asking

why did you pick me?

God there is no way that I’m this special,

if I’m this rare I should be in a book, titled 1 out of 8 billion people,

if I had any luck I would have no luck,

if fairytales were true with no hesitation

I would be the ugly duckling,

pages would be filled with mostly failure,

because triumph is a thing of the past, 

my gosh

I get so frustrated with myself feeling this way,

sometimes I wanna cry and rage so much

I hope it’s just a dream but tomorrow when I wake up everything is the exact same,

I'm running low on strength,

I need to be saved rather than more motivation,

God I’m not your dirty dog anymore I want to be washed from my sins,

I’ve been more than patient with you, so I’m shutting the door and walking away until a miracle happens, but I won’t hold my breath cus this always happens, you give me a slither of hope than you burn those ropes with no remorse, feeling like that nursery rhyme was correct by saying

“ring-around -the-rosies A pocket full of posies”

until we all fall down slowly,

it hurts to think this way but your the one that gave me this brain

now I’m realizing it was not a gift but a rip in reality,

a curse put on me to break constantly asking you for forgiveness

from whatever mistake I committed,

when I’m hidden at least

I can admit it,

But...

I think it’s about time to change the narrative of this rhyme

to something you can relate too

less about my problems and more about your presence,

because God you are the strength to my storm, the soul to my heart,

I know its tough right now and I have a million reasons to give up

but that’s when you step in and stop the roller coaster going off the deep end

and you remain my friend when I blatantly blamed you all these years,

I don’t know why you picked me,

but these tears coming from my eyes show me,  

that you have mercy on my soul,

believing in the kid with a disability so much,

you sent down an angel when I was young and gave me a chance

when the odds were stacked against me and I was just learning about this country,

she leaned in and taught this bible verse that stuck to me to this very day

and I quote

"that Christ may dwell in your heart by faith; that ye, being rooted and grounded in love", Ephesians 3:17

And Let me tell of something

that I learnt from listening and reading all these years,

You might feel like a ghost that has no home floating room to room trying to find your place, then staring in the face of fear, you'll find the lord was always there by your side keeping an watchful eye, cause you are certainly blessed

So, that's why, you picked me

because you knew even if I was scared or in pain I would never stop fighting and trying every day to become a light in someone else’s story and you knew before I even started writing it’s like nothing else matters than the words I utter from my mouth whenever inspiration flows through the pen and then into every ones head, Its feels like I was born a disciple to write for you,

to let people know what Gods purpose is,

and its for you to simply not to be alone and forgotten, my friend

sometimes it’s just a lesson you have to learn,

like you need to understand how to walk before you are able to run,

I know your done, kid constantly asking God,

why did you pick me?

but listen to me, if I can shed some light on the situation,

you will endure some bumps and bruises on the way but you will get through anything from every challenge that blocks and tribulation that mocks

because you are a breed of a chosen few

who will make this life out of your view just don’t lose sight of who you are,

you might

have a disability

but look deeper in your heart

cus a person is not classified from there limits

but justified by what's inside,

like my mom always said

God wrapped everyone in different colors,

but in reality were all the same inside,

all that matters is the light we will provide