Why did you pick me

Why did you pick me?

because I’m just a kid with a disability

I’m different you see

why did you pick me 

Instead of this guy,  

my God 

I’m praying up to the sky

for an answer

why did you pick me

I’m struggling down here already

without help

than it’s like you been punishing me for being picked,

I’ve been patient and drag through enough shit,

sorry for questioning you but one needs to ask do you not love me anymore,

it sure feels like it,

now I have this stupid disease,

and stupid life

​

sometimes

I even think is this still my life, am I even alive anymore,

I don’t want to die, so I’m gonna try with every single breath

I still have to change your mind,

I’m worth it staying on this planet dammit,

is my mission accomplished or is it mission failed

if I give up on this moment,

why did you pick me?

am I just an idiot to you cus it feels so when you push me away

when I just wanted to be loved by someone

who had room in there heart but I guess not

sometimes I don’t even feel like I know you like you to I time to time but for some reason why I always come back asking

why did you pick me?

God there is no way that I’m this special,

if I’m this rare I should be in a book, titled 1 out of 8 billion people,

if I had any luck I would have no luck,

if fairytales were true with no hesitation

I would be the ugly duckling,

pages would be filled with mostly failure,

because triumph is a thing of the past, 

my gosh

I get so frustrated with myself feeling this way,

sometimes I wanna cry and rage so much

I hope it’s just a dream but tomorrow when I wake up everything is the exact same,

I"m running low on strength,

I need to be saved rather than more motivation,

God I’m not your dirty dog anymore I want to be washed from my sins,

I’ve been more than patient with you, so I’m shutting the door and walking away until a miracle happens, but I won’t hold my breath cus this always happens, you give me a slither of hope than you burn those ropes with no remorse, feeling like that nursery rhyme was correct by saying

“ring-around -the-rosies A pocket full of posies”

until we all fall down slowly,

it hurts to think this way but your the one that gave me this brain

now I’m realizing it was not a gift but a rip in reality,

a curse put on me to break constantly asking you for forgiveness

from whatever mistake I committed,

when I’m hidden at least

I can admit it.